"that shirt looks good on you, you know what else would look good on you? my friend dave, i think you should go out with him"
"is it hot in here? or are you just suffocating me in this relationship?"
"when im with you, i feel 3lbs lighter, probably because you bore the shit out of me...and i had a big lunch"
"hey baby, are you being followed? because ive been seeing people behind your back"
"i didnt know angels flew this close to the ground, maybe thats because this angels gained a little weight since we've been going out"
"hey i was just wondering...are you doing push ups with your knees down? because im not sure if this is working out"
"do you have any greek in you? it was just a tactful way of asking you if you were pregnant. if youre not then lets break up"
"is there a new critically acclaimed movie called OTHER PEOPLE? because thats what i want to see...right now"
"are your feet tired? because youve been stomping on my dreams for a few months now"
Lets break up
-Demetri Martin
